Regret

You know what's the most foolish thing that humans have?
We always regret it at the end. But back then, we didn't notice how much impact it'll caused to us. We didn't notice.

For my friend, who's clearly never going to read this. There's something that always bothering me. And all my life I haven't forgiven myself for what I did to you. There's never a chance to apologize, there's never a chance to make it right. Because those days are gone, and there's no second chance in this case.

What I've learned in the past years, my friend, I should not leaving family behind. That means my best friend, and that means you.

I'm sorry it took me this long to realize it, and I know for sure it's already late. And from now on, I make sure I won't making the same mistake again to my new friend. Because you know what?

It hurts. So bad.

You see me like a stranger now. Like we never knew about each other, never talked about our crush, or our personal problems. Never.

Then who is the one who's truly going to blame?
It's me right from the first place. I did it first, and you just did the rest. And you know what, you're not wrong. You're never wrong.

I realized back then I was a foolish little girl who's get bullied, and some parts of me saying the reason of it is you. Because you are my best friend, and you're the one who's getting bullied first and I'm like your sidekick whom getting bullied too. It all make sense that time.

But now, you know what. It's not you. It's me.

Again, it's me. It's my foolish, immature, dramaqueen and dumb personality that made that people doesn't like me. And you, you've always been there for me no matter what they said or did. You always stood up beside me, facing all that stuff. And the really suck thing is, I didn't realize it until now (I know it's extremely late).

I've changed now and I see things differently from this point of view. It totally changed everything that I thought about you, my friend. In fact, I couldn't hold my tears while writing this. Because I miss you.

The bullies, problems, and people cloud my judgment. I shouldn't let them take over my thought into thinking like that. But that was three years ago.

We're all grown up now. We have our own ways. And I believe you're happier now than three years ago when you're with me and I'm glad. Because right now, I'm not happy, at all. I still have sort of drama in my friendship, not the kind that came to us before. And it's my karma, I guess.

But the important thing is, you're happy. I know from the photos on your facebook, from your tweets on twitter, from your posts on blogger, you're happy. And all I can say is, stay happy, you deserve it.

And I'm sorry, H. You'll never be forgotten.

“No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same.” 

 “If you hear a song that makes you cry and you don't want to cry anymore, you don't listen to that song anymore. But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head."